Many individuals who grow up presenting as female are often taught to be demure, gentle, submissive, and serving. So, the idea of being "in charge" in a sexual scenario can feel daunting, even if you’ve fantasized about it. The reality of taking control may seem intimidating, but here’s the good news: it's easier than you think. And if you do happen to make a mistake, chances are your partner won’t even notice.
For those women or femmes who have fantasized about being dominant but are hesitant to take the plunge due to fear of failure, know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there myself. That’s where these introductory femdom scenes come in—they would have greatly helped me ease into the role of being in charge. Now, I usually approach my play sessions with a loose plan in mind, which helps me feel more prepared and confident (and ensures my toys are ready to go). While you don’t need to plan every detail, having a basic outline can help alleviate anxiety and keep you focused.
Once you get comfortable with these foundational scenes, you might branch out or adapt them to your tastes. Or, you might find yourself repeating and tweaking them depending on your desires at the time—both are perfectly okay. These scenarios are meant to be starting points, which you can modify to fit your preferences as you grow into your role as a femdom.
Before You Begin: Some Basics
Before diving into the scenes, here are a few key points to keep in mind:
Blindfolding Your Partner
Many of these scenes involve blindfolding your partner for a good reason: it prevents them from watching you. For beginners, this can be a relief and removes some of the pressure. Additionally, when sight is removed, your partner's other senses are heightened, making every touch feel more intense. So, if you’re nervous, blindfolds can be a valuable tool.
Adapting to Your Situation
These scenes may use specific genders and body parts in their examples, but feel free to adapt them to suit your and your partner's anatomy. The key is to take the basic ideas and tailor them to your unique situation.
Communication and Consent
All of these scenarios assume that you and your partner have discussed the dynamic in advance and established clear consent and safewords. Surprising someone with restraints or blindfolds without prior conversation can be a major violation of trust and consent. Be sure to have open conversations about what both of you are comfortable with beforehand.
Focus on the Submissive
You’ll notice that these scenarios primarily focus on the submissive partner. This approach can help beginner femdoms stay grounded and build confidence in their actions. Once you feel more comfortable, you can certainly shift the focus to yourself, but starting by directing your energy outward can make it easier to get into the dominant mindset.
Now that we’ve covered the basics, let’s get to the fun part: three beginner-friendly femdom scenes.
Scene 1: Orgasm Control
If you’re new to dominance but have given handjobs or other forms of physical pleasure before, this scene takes that dynamic to a new level. Once you’ve established a bit of power exchange and set some rules, tell your partner that you’ll be controlling their pleasure for a while. Tease them with the possibility that if they obey, they’ll get their turn, but if not, they’ll have to wait for another night.
After setting the scene, have your partner lie down or sit in a comfortable position, blindfolded, and instruct them not to move without permission. If they do move, they lose the game. This is where the fun begins—you now have full control over their body. You can:
Lightly tease their skin with feathers or your fingertips.
Massage them with oils while ensuring they stay still.
Use a vibrator to tempt them to move in pleasure.
Engage in playful tickling or oral teasing, all while keeping them restrained.
If they move, you can lightly tap them with a paddle or give them a playful swat, as long as it’s something you’ve both agreed on. When you’re ready to wrap up, whisper in their ear how much you’ve enjoyed the game and how much you’d love for them to please you now. Transition the scene into whatever comes next, whether it’s them pleasuring you or continuing to play with their submission.
Scene 2: Basic Bondage
Bondage doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as tying your partner to the bed and enjoying the added layer of control. Start by laying your partner out on the bed, naked, and using whatever bondage restraints you have available. Even a scarf can be used to tie their wrists together. Once they’re restrained, blindfold them and start exploring their body.
Here are some ideas to make the most of this scenario:
Tease their nipples or apply nipple clamps if they enjoy that sensation.
Use remote-controlled vibrators to edge them closer to orgasm, but don’t let them finish until you say so.
Play with your own pleasure using your favorite sex toys, letting them listen to your enjoyment while they remain tied up.
Incorporate light impact play with floggers or ticklers, or introduce
electrostimulation for added intensity.
When you’re ready to finish the scene, you can allow them to please you—perhaps by having them give you oral sex or by taking charge during intercourse. If you feel like switching things up, you could even use a strap-on or other toys to maintain control of the encounter.Scene 3: Make Them Your Sex Toy
Many submissive partners long to be “used” or objectified for their dominant’s pleasure, and this scene lets you embrace that fantasy. When the mood strikes and the time is right, let your partner know that you’re in charge and want to use them as your personal sex toy.
The options are endless, and this scene can be as creative or straightforward as you like. You could have your partner wear a strap-on while you ride them, hold a vibrator for you while you sit on it, or simply pleasure you without expecting anything in return.
The key to this scene is to take control and focus on your own pleasure while they serve your needs. You can play with bondage, blindfolds, or even collars, depending on what you and your partner enjoy. If you want to tease them even further, deny them orgasm while you take your satisfaction.
Conclusion
No matter which scene you choose, as long as you have consent and you’re taking charge, you’re on the right track to embracing your role as a femdom. These beginner scenes are just the start—experiment, explore, and most importantly, enjoy the journey of discovering what works best for you and your partner.