Breathe in—one, two, three. Hold. Exhale—three, two, one. Let go of your thoughts and worries. Focus on your breath, straighten your spine, and relax.
When you think of meditation, is this what comes to mind? A peaceful scene where someone sits with crossed legs, a serene expression, and the world around them seems to fade away. Their mind is decluttered, maybe even free from thought. Meditation is often portrayed as something for the “New Age” crowd—people with lots of free time, typically linked to privilege and stereotypes like ableism, classism, and ageism. So why would someone outside of this stereotype be interested in meditation? And what does it have to do with sex? After all, we are here to talk about sex, right?
Although meditation and mindfulness have become mainstream and often associated with middle-class, cis/het culture, these practices aren’t just for the privileged few. In fact, meditation is for everyone. It can be done sitting, standing, walking, or even while working. You don’t need to silence your thoughts but rather observe and gently redirect them. While meditation has roots in Eastern philosophy, it’s a global and historical practice.
Research shows that meditation offers numerous benefits—from reducing physical ailments to improving mental health. But when it comes to sex, stress, trauma, and distraction can be major turn-offs. From arousal to orgasm, sex is less fulfilling when your mind and body are drained. So how can we bring the benefits of meditation into the bedroom?
1. Discover a Meditation Practice That Fits You Best
Meditation isn’t limited to sitting in silence; it can be as simple as taking a mindful walk, coloring, or listening to music. Choose an activity that allows you to focus on the present moment and escape distractions. Notice the sounds, scents, and sensations that surround you. Don’t force yourself to stop thinking—just notice your thoughts and let them flow by as you focus on your breath, slowing it down and deepening it.
2. Integrate Meditation into Your Daily Life
Once you’ve established a regular meditation routine, start incorporating it into everyday moments. Pause to breathe and quiet your mind while responding to emails, sitting in traffic, or having conversations. As this becomes second nature, you’ll feel more confident bringing mindfulness into your sexual experiences.
3. Use Meditation to Tune into Your Emotions During Sex
To begin practicing mindfulness in your sex life, start with solo sessions (masturbation). This allows you to focus on your own feelings without the pressure of interacting with a partner. Put away any distractions, like erotica, and immerse yourself in your body’s sensations. You might encounter joyful memories or painful emotions that have been buried. This brings us to the next step.
4. Journal and Seek Support for Your Observations
As you explore these thoughts and feelings, you may uncover difficult emotions—past traumas, shame about desires or body image—that you’ve been avoiding. This is why many of us stay distracted, in sex and in life. It’s crucial to seek support from a certified sex therapist or counselor who can help you process these feelings in a healthy, productive way.
5. Use Mindfulness to Understand Yourself and Communicate with Your Partner
How often do you struggle to answer questions like, “What do you want?” or “How does this feel?” with complete honesty? As you grow more attuned to your mind and body through meditation, these answers will come more easily. Share your insights with your partner—whether it’s about what you’re feeling or what you’re working through with a therapist—and foster deeper, more open conversations.
The Bottom Line
Sex should be something we embrace without fear or shame, and meditation can help us reconnect with this truth amidst our busy lives. By finding a meditation practice that resonates with us, we can tap into our core selves and experience sex as a truly transformative part of life.